Funny South African

Funny South African

We call a bathing suit a “swimming costume” or a “cozzie”.

We call a traffic light a “robot”.

We call a sandwich a ‘sarmie’

We call an elevator a “lift” – but asking for a ‘lift’ doesn’t mean you want an elevator – you actually want a “ride”

We call a car hood a “bonnet”

We call a car trunk a “boot”

We call a pickup truck a “bakkie”

“Van” isn’t a vehicle – he’s the butt of some of the best jokes around (we use him to laugh at ourselves, unless he has a brandy with an Irishman & an Englishman – then we laugh at all of them)

We call a sidewalk a “pavement”

The first word that comes to mind when We see a dog snarling on the pavement is ‘Voetsek’

We call the 2nd storey of a building ‘the 1st Floor’

We call a jumper a “jersey”

We call a Barbeque a “Braai” & we ‘braai’ with real pieces of meat called ‘Tjops’ (Chops) not with mince & viennas.

When asked what is better than Boerewors, the only thing you can think of is a Boerewors Roll.

When something is really good it’s “Lekker”

If something is really Lekker it’s “Kiff” – you can even combine the two into “Lekker Kiff” for those odd occasions when something is …. well …. Lekker Kiff!

We call a friend “China” but until the Chinese stop snorting our Rhino horn & eating our Perlemoen (abalone) they will never truly be our “China’s”

“Boet” & “Broer” both mean ‘Brother’

Employees dance and sing in front of the buildings – to show how unhappy they are.

We call your BAE (Before Anyone Else) your “Goose” or “Stukkie”. You take your “Goose” to the “Bioscope” (Cinema) & pray you won’t bump into your “Stukkie”

We call Tennis Shoes “Tekkies” – but when you say ‘check the Tekkies on that Volle’ ekse!’ It means ‘I say have you seen the tyres on that Volkswagen!’

We get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

We know what Rooibos Tea is & it pisses you off that other countries are selling it as if they invented it.

When somebody gets “too technical” (a South African past-time of picking a claim or statement to pieces) you tell them not to “split ball hairs”

We can sing our national anthem with gusto in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

We know someone, who knows someone, who has met Nelson Mandela.

We go to braais regularly, where you eat Boerewors, Tjops and swim, sometimes simultaneously, sometimes after a ‘papsak (wine)’ or ‘klippies & coke (brandy)’ you forget your cozzie.

We place a R100 note together with your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer, because you never know ….

We can do our monthly shopping & get a haircut on the pavement – at robots (traffic lights) you can buy sunglasses, black bags, hangers, hats, selfie-sticks, passport & Licence disc holders.

Most car guards are “Boetie’s” from other African Countries & they have university degrees. If you want to have informed, deep conversations, chat with your Guard. There are more car guards than parking bays.

You know the certified number of people listed for a Taxi is just a ‘suggestion’ – a taxi can & must carry at least twice that number in any given trip.

We travel 100’s of kilometres to see snow.

We know the rules of Rugby better than any referee!

Our Soccer Team wins if your “Vuvuzela’s” are the loudest!

When we say something is “‘n bietjie lig in die broek” you aren’t saying ‘there’s a little light in his pants’ you’re saying there’s ‘no substance in it’ – think of Twiggy trying on Kim Kardashian’s trousers!

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation, Beauty.

“Now now” or “just now” can mean anything from a minute to a month.

We continue to wait after a traffic light (robot) has turned to green to make way for taxis who are allowed to go through orange (amber) as well as ‘early red’

When you phone a Government department you know beforehand that you are going to be repeating your story at least 5 times, as reception patches your call to ‘Hope’ who transfers your call to ‘Faith’, who puts you through to ‘Patience’, who says you need to call back Wednesday & you hang on for a further 10 mins before it dawns on you that she meant the day not the person.

Travelling at 120 km/h, you’re the slowest vehicle in the suburbs.

When you venture onto the highways, you use the left lane & still doing 120km/h you cruise by everyone else as they hog the ‘fast’ right lanes.

You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one..

We love South Africa and its crazy “South-african-isms”

2018-09-05T16:08:12+00:00News|